Jerkey's Food Blog

Valentine's Day Millefoglie

2011-02-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

Millefoglie is my favorite dessert, ever. I only ever tried it for the first time about a year ago. I had never even seen it on a menu before. Since then, I've had it 3 times and 3 totally different ways, although the most basic preparation is puff pastry sheets with chantilly cream. "Mille" is Italian for 1,000, and "foglie" is Italian for leaves (as in layers). If you've had a proper millefoglie, you'll see that there are several layers of pastry with cream in between. I've also had it drizzled with caramel and toasted hazelnuts. Since you have to actually go to an Italian restaurant to get one (In LA: Madeo on Beverly, Angelini Osteria on Beverly, or Vincente in Brentwood on San Vicente), I decided to try making it at home for Valentine's Day.

First: the puff pastry. I luckily had a heart-shaped cookie cutter so that worked out well. I thawed the puff pastry and then rolled it out as thin as I could and then used the cutter for the pieces. Now, the first batch were throwaways because puff pastry rises, even when it's rolled out and heart-shaped so I had 8 puffy useless hearts. I tried again, this time placing a cookie sheet over the top keeping them compressed as they cooked) 350F for 10 or so minutes).

Second: I was not about to make a chantilly cream with eggs and all that mess so I bought whipping cream (Strauss Dairy) and whipped it with confectioner's sugar and almond extract! I am the first person to refuse marzipan because the almond is just too much but the TBSP of extract was enough to subtly flavor the cream.

After my pastry hearts totally cooled, I put the cream in a ziploc bag and piped it onto each layer. I rolled the thing around in crushed almonds and then topped with slivered almonds and strawberry I ran through a mandoline.

Note: Don't put the cream on too early or the pastry will become mushy. You should prepare the dessert and put it in the fridge if you're serving that evening but that's it. And don't put the topping on until the end or the strawberry will taste stale and possibly dry.

Bye!

Chile Relleno in Guajillo Sauce

2010-12-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

I used to bake my chile rellenos but I used a different method for this one and prefer it much better. After peeling the skin and stuffing it with cheese and vegetables, I toothpicked the opening together and then lightly dusted with flour. In a hot cast iron skillet with a LITTLE oil, I cooked the chile toothpick-side-down FIRST. That way, when you flip it, you don't have to flip it again after the cheese has begun melting. This cooking method gives it a nice dryer, firmer skin as opposed to my old baking method where the skin gets soggy and steamed.

The sauce is a guajillo chili sauce so it's rich and smoky. I pan-roasted two guajillo chilis in a dry cast iron skillet with 5 cloves of garlic in their skins. After they were hot and fragrant, I removed the stems and seeds from the chilis and put them in water for 15 minutes to rehydrate. Then, with the garlic and about 1 cup of water, I pureed them in the food processor. I also added lime juice, salt, roasted tomatoes and onions. I strained the mixture so the sauce was more refined.

Pizza II

2010-12-21T11:27:00.000-08:00

I continue my self-education in the process of pizza. It's definitely fun but it's definitely a science. Not so much the measuring part but more so the approach and ingredient part. A true neapolitan margherita consists of nothing more than flour, water, salt, and yeast. The toppings consist of exactly: San Marzano DOP tomatoes, basil, oregano, certified mozzarella di bufala, and parmesano reggiano.

This dough does not follow that style because I learned from another recipe and it's been working so I haven't ventured outside of my comfort zone. It does contain oil and sugar.

I am happy with the crust. Although I don't have an 850F wood-fired oven (which can cook a pizza in under TWO MINUTES), I have been able to get decent results thru testing in an electronic oven. Because my oven doesn't create enough ambient heat obviously to cook a pizza in 2 minutes, I need to parbake my dough FIRST for about 8 minutes and then put the sauce and cheese on for a few final minutes. Otherwise the cheese and sauce will burn.

PIIIIIIIIZZZZZZAAAAAAAA

2010-10-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

I've always been obsessed with pizza but recently I became obsessed with making homemade pizza DOUGH. It's like my absolute favorite thing to make now. There is nothing more gratifying then a light, airy, bubbly, soft pizza dough. If you don't press it down too much it bubbles and rises. If you stretch it out right before the point of tearing, it's thin and light and crispy. This photo is from my first successful dough though I've made more since and will continue to expand until it's perfect! I just used San Marzano tomatoes, red onions, and parmesano reggiano.

I don't have a wood oven (yet) so I baked this at 500 degrees on the very bottom of the oven to get that prized crisp and char beneath.

Pasta e Fagioli

2010-10-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

This is kind of the official new favorite dish of the house next to artichoke and pizza night. Pasta e Fagioli translates to "pasta and beans". It's one of the simplest, best tasting dishes I make at home. And it's CHEAP and EASY, to boot! Each ingredient measures out to be almost an equal part in the dish.

1/2 large white onion chopped or a whole small one
1.5 cups of dry gluten-free rice pasta (or use regular if you're not allergic to wheat)
2 cups of packed chopped kale
3/4 can of kidney beans
1 large can of tomato puree or diced tomatoes
16 oz of vegetable stock

Sweat your onions first. Then add the beans and tomatoes and let it stew together. Add your stock incrementally. I don't make it like a soup but more like a thick hearty stew. Then add the kale and S/P to taste. When it seems like everything is coming together, add your boiled pasta and give everything another 5-10 minutes to soak up.

When serving, grate parmesano reggiano over the top for that absolutely necessary finish.

Side Dish: Caramelized Endive

2010-10-28T12:49:00.001-07:00

I saw Jacque Pepin do something like this once so it's become a great side dish stand-by. I just take a bunch of endives, split them down the middle, and in a hot pan with a little Earth butter, olive oil, and a pinch of sugar, I lay them face down, put the lid on, and let them caramelize. The lid helps steam-cook them and reduce the bitterness of the endive. Then I turn them over and give them a bit more time to cook in what's left at the bottom of the pan.

They actually cook pretty quickly so keep an eye on them.

Dolmade!

2010-10-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

I love these things. They've always been one of my favorite but they're one of those things I never conceived of making. When I buy them in a store however, I feel guilty because I can see the congealed centimeters of oil layered across and know that can't be that great for me. So I decided to learn how to make them myself so I knew what was going into them. I've seen this same brand of leaves at both Whole Foods and "specialty" food stores.

These 8 oz. jars will yield you about 24 dolmade with some broken leaves left over you'll probably throw out. The leaves are really packed tightly in the jar. They're all rolled together so you just have to maneuver them out by grabbing a hold of the end and rotating round and round until them come out. You have to blanche them in hot water for maybe a minute or two and then lay them out to dry a bit. You also have to cut off the 1/2" stem at the bottom. It will seriously get into your way when trying to do the next step.

THE FILLING: There are so many ways you can fill this thing. I kept it pretty traditional and vegetarian although they're often stuffed with lamb.

Dice 1 whole white onion and sweat it in a pan with minimal olive oil. S/P to taste.
Throw in 3/4 cup of basmati, 3/4 cup of raisins and cook together for a few minutes.
Add a handful of chopped parsley and dill. I LOVE dill so I used a LOT.
S/P to taste again and squeeze the juice of one lemon.
TASTE the final mixture, dry rice and all, because that's what your filling is going to taste like. Now is the time to add more S/P, lemon, or herbs!
Lay out a leaf SHINY side down and put in about a cereal spoon-sized spoonful in the middle and follow the steps above to wrap it.

After about 20 minutes, you'll have your army of dolmade ready to go. Make sure the seam side is on the bottom so they don't unravel. My 10" flat-bottomed stainless steel pan is the perfect size for a single layer. Slice up carrots or potatoes and lay them flat on the bottom of the pan. Feel free to add the stems left over from the herbs. This helps to not only keep them from sticking, but at the end you have soft, lemony vegetables to add to your platter.

Once you have all the dolmade arranged on top of the vegetables and in a single layer, place a flat heavy plate across them because they're going to swell and mis-shape. Once the plate is in place, fill the pan up with water until right above the plate. Simmer for 30 minutes, drizzle a LITTLE bit of olive oil into the water, and then simmer for another 30 minutes. 99% of the water should be gone, and the rest that's left is going to be an opaque lemony, salty juice that will stick to your dolmade as you let them cool. ENJOY!

Ricotta Caprese

2010-06-09T13:53:00.000-07:00

This is a variation on the traditional caprese because the shop I get burrata from was all out. They run out pretty much by noon daily. All they had for fresh cheese was a sheep's milk ricotta. Since the sheep's milk was a bit too harsh for the delicacy of a tomato, I seasoned it with salt, pepper, black truffle oil, and chopped basil. The balsamic reduction is the same as I describe in the previous post.

Btw, the next day I had a bit of the ricotta mixture leftover. I drizzled agave syrup on it and ate it -- I guarantee it would probably make the best sweet/savory crepe on the planet.

Caprayze ... too much?

2010-06-09T13:48:00.001-07:00

I am crazy for caprese. I love the freshness and I especially love any excuse to eat a ball of burrata. This looks like a massive amount because I was going to a BBQ that ended up serving mexican food, but that's OK. We ate it anyway and it was delicious.

Just line up slices of heirloom tomatoes, burrata and/or fresh mozzarella, and chopped basil. I added salt and pepper across the top, then drizzled black truffle oil.

As an accoutrement, I reduced 1 cup of balsamic vinegar with 1 TBSP of sugar, and drizzled it on the dish right before it was served. Don't do it any earlier or it just gets muddy.

Boigah Night

2010-06-09T13:38:00.000-07:00

Maybe I watch too much Family Guy. I don't know. But I can't help but pronounce "burger" like "boigah". Also, 5 readers, my house became predominantly vegetarian in the last year, if you've noticed a shift in content lately. Hence, the veggie burger. But here's the deal. I'm not a devout vegetarian and I LOVE cheeseburgers. So for the whole household to be happy, I need a pretty damn hefty burger or I'm going to feel unsatisfied the rest of the night.

INGREDIENTS:

Veggie patty (Whatever - gardenburger, Amy's, Morning Star)
Grilled tomatoes, red onions, and 1 fat portobello. Salt and pepper all of it.
Butter lettuce
Sliced cheese (the one in the pic is a super melty vegan one from Trader Joes)
THE KICKER: the special sauce. Now the special sauce is what some of you would consider the Big Mac sauce aka thousand island. Chopped pickles, ketchup, and mayo/vegannaise.
Stir the special sauce together and salt it well to bring out the pickle more.

Tuesday Night Special

2010-06-09T13:15:00.001-07:00

We have a tradition in my house. It's called the Tuesday Night Special and it consists of two things: pesto flatbread pizza and grilled artichokes. We eat this every single Tuesday night. At the end of the meal, I wish I had more. It could honestly be the one thing I don't ever get tired of.

The star ingredient, really the reason why it's a hit for Tuesday, is the pesto. It isn't your standard basil pesto with loads of fat from pine nuts and olive oil. It's actually an ENTIRE bag of spinach.

Put 1 bag of spinach, 1 garlic clove, a squirt of half a lemon, 1 tsp salt, some grinds of pepper, 1 tsp of red chili flakes (I like it spicy), and 1/4 cup of toasted pine nuts into a food processor. You can put the pine nuts in raw but you should really toast them in a dry pan first. It only takes 30 seconds.

Since Spinach has so much water in it naturally, there seems to be enough moisture for it by itself. Along with the lemon, you really don't need olive oil. Depending on the moisure level, I'll add about 1 TBSP of olive oil in a fine drizzle as the processor spins.

FLATBREAD PIZZAS:

Toast 1 whole weat pita at 425 for 10 minutes until it's crispy and can stand on its own. Otherwise it will get soggy with the sauce on it.
Spread the pesto all over, add cheese, sliced tomatoes, whatever. Salt and pepper the top lightly.
Cook in the oven at 425 for another 10 minutes.
Top off with Micro Greens, slice into quarters, and drizzle black truffle oil.

ARTICHOKES:

Slice off the stem, cut off the top half of the chokes where the leaves are pointed, quarter it, clean out the choke with a knife, and boil/steam for 50 minutes.
Grill on an indoor or outdoor grill, salt, pepper, and squeeze a full lemon across the inside of the artichokes periodically.

Meze

2010-05-06T09:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know if this picture comes across well but it was hard to get a good one since I was in SUCH A RUSH to eat it.

There's an Israeli restaurant in Encino called Itzik Hagadol that I love to go to. It's like the Israeli version of going to a Korean restaurant. You sit down, you order the salads, pronounced like "SAH-LAHHDS", and they bring you 10 little dishes of the most delicious salads. By salads, they're really saying things to dip your giant, fresh baked, lavash into while stuffing your fat face. That means tahini, hummus, egg salad, matbucha (tomato-y mush of yum), beets, eggplant, falafel, israeli salad, etc., etc.

So I made it at home because Encino is far:

Grilled portobellos and grilled green onions
Israeli salad: diced cucumbers, diced red bell peppers, parsley, red onions lemon, salt, pepper
White beans cooked with veg stock, fresh thyme, garlic, s/p
Matbucha: diced tomatoes cooked for a while with garlic, bell peppers, s/p, paprika, and then drizzled with olive oil after cooking.
The pita were fresh made and purchased at the Larchmont Farmer's Market

Tom Yummy Koon

2010-03-10T14:08:00.000-08:00

YES, I took this picture before you even ask. Click on it for more bigger.

So this is my Tom Yum Koon. I crave the stuff so I chose to make it at home because I came across these noodles that are made with yam flour and therefore are gluten free but wait, more importantly, they're FAT and CARB free!! So I can stuff my mouth until I'm sick and not gain weight. And this is actually truly vegan because I did not use the staple fish sauce that all Thai dishes have.

I just stirred tofu, carrots, and shitake mushrooms around the soup pot with thai chili paste, galangal, and a tsp of sugar, then I added vegetable stock. The noodles come with a funny smell so you have to wash them under water for a bit and then I find that sauteeing them in a separate pan with salt, pepper, and chili flakes gives it some flavor.

When I finally added the noodles to the soup I also added lime wedges. I thought getting that mix of spicy/savory/sour would be difficult but the lime really does all the heavy lifting.

I topped it off with cilantro and that was it. Also, FYI, I know that lemongrass and kefir lime leaves would get me pretty far in the Thai soup department but I'm glad to know I was able to accomplish the same soup without the signature ingredients.

Ahi à la Nobu

2009-10-28T09:14:00.001-07:00

Obviously if you've ever eaten at Nobu then you know what I'm talking about. He is often an inspiration for me in the kitchen because of his refined, delicate sauces and approach to food.

I took a piece of ahi filet I got at the Japanese market, covered it with black pepper, and then seared it QUICKLY. That means like 15 seconds max in a hot skillet on each side just to get the very ends cooked as you can see in the picture. Then I sliced it uber-uber-thin at an angle so I could roll it up into nice little rolls.

My sauce is a ponzu-esque sauce. I used soy sauce, sesame oil, rice vinegar, and yuzu juice, then I flavored it with cilantro and jalapeño. I then strained the sauce so it would be clear but added some fresh cilantro and jalapeño to the center of the plate. SO GOOD!

Happy Halloween

2009-10-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

I carved this pumpkin last year. I wanted to share it because I don't plan on carving one this year. I lacked the inspiration to get after it and I didn't want to be forced to make Thai pumpkin curry again. Can only eat so much of it. And I choke on pumpkin seeds. I just chew a wad and then spit the whole thing out. It's more effort to me than it's worth.

Anyway. Happy Halloween 5 people that read my blog.

Baked Chile Relleno

2009-10-17T13:27:00.001-07:00

The Chile Relleno is a very simple, healthy and delicious dish to make at home. The kinds in mexican restaurants aren't actually to my liking, even though I adore deep-fried things stuffed with cheese. I just find them way too greasy and overbearing in restaurants.

All you have to do is buy some chiles, roast them over a grill or broil them to char the outer skin until it looks like it does above (about 2o minutes, flipping when necessary). Then put the hot chiles into a bowl and cover it with saran wrap to aide in steaming off the skin. This takes another 2o minutes.

While waiting, prepare your filling by cooking the mixture together in a pan. You can mix sausage, chorizo, soyrizo, chicken, cheese, soy cheese, vegetables, etc - whatever you want your filling to be.

Once your peppers have steamed and you've peeled off the skin that you can (it doesn't always all peel off), carefully remove the seeds inside by making a slit in the pepper. You can also just take off the stem. You'll typically see them in restaurants for show but I have a hard time stuffing the pepper without losing the stem anyway. Then stuff it with your filling and bake another 15-20 minutes at 350 degrees to heat everything up together.

Once you're finished, plate it with any type of sauce you want; mexican crema, sour cream, guacamole, cilantro, etc.

Enjoy!

Creamy Rock Shrimp

2009-10-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

This is my attempt at creamy rock shrimp. They were good but I don't actually have a deep fryer and I have a really, really hard time filling my wok with enough oil to deep fry anything. I hate the waste it creates and I don't know what to do with it. I would never need it again soon enough before it wasn't any good anymore.

Anyway, I just created a tempura beer batter, dropped in the shrimp and then dropped them in the oil. The mushrooms and cilantro was a la Nobu style, and the creamy sauce is a super easy sauce made of kewpie mayo, ponzu, sriracha, chili sesame oil, and salt and pepper.

Salsa Verde is the new Buttermilk!

2009-05-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

There's an elementary school in my neighborhood that maintains a little vegetable garden. Last summer, massive amounts of squash grew, the vines grew through the fence onto the sidewalk, and along the arms of those vines grew their best fruit (in my opinion), the blossom. At that time I had never cooked squash blossoms before and they're such spiky little flowers I was never prepared to pick them anyway. And THEN I conquered the first part ....

Well now ... they're back! And I'm prepared. And they are beginning to bud along the sidewalk again. So I picked one. IT'S PUBLIC PROPERTY!

I wanted them to have a heavy batter since I only had the one and it was lunch but I didn't have an egg and I didn't want to use milk. So I used salsa verde. I know - it was adventurous but that's the whole point, right? I cleaned out the stamen, stuffed the body with some white cheese, dipped into the flour, then the salsa, and then the flour again. Now instead of deep frying, I poured a little vegetable oil in my cast iron skillet and I held it up at an angle so the oil could form a puddle. I held it in that position with the stuffed blossom in the oil, and flipped it when one side browned. This took MAYBE a total of 45 seconds.

And .... it was delicious.

Dry Aging Meat

2009-05-17T21:24:00.001-07:00

There's a reason ordering dry-aged meat at a restaurant is so expensive. The meat sits in a controlled temperature room of 34-37 degrees for around two weeks. The outside of the meat actually begins to spoil and forms a thick crust of the spoiled part. When the meat is going to be cooked in a restaurant, all of the spoiled part is cut off and the inside is still red, unspoiled meat. But only about 50% of the steak is actually salvageable which explains why a rib-eye or piece of wagyu seems to cost twice as much at dinner. You're essentially eating the cost (no pun intended) of the aged meat.

That doesn't mean it's not the most delicious way to serve a steak and that you can't do it yourself at home for a fraction of the cost and 100% of the juicy meltiness. Keep reading ...

To test this, buy a ribeye. Don't buy a flank steak or go overboard with a filet mignon. Just splurge on a nice ribeye. I don't eat a lot of fat so I trim most of what I can without totally dismantling it. Then prepare your dry-age seasoning ...

Dry-age Seasoning:

1.5 tblsps Salt
1 tbl brown sugar
1/2 tsp pulverized red pepper
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp of garlic powder

Mix it up with your FINGERS. Don't do what I did above in the picture and use a spice blender because I feel like it obliterated the stickiness and color of the brown sugar and paprika. When I use just my fingers it's a lot better. (Although this was still extremely good).

LEAVE IT IN YOUR FRIDGE FOR 72 HOURS. If you absolutely cannot wait that long then you MUST wait for 48 hours or this is useless. Don't wait for more than 3 or 4 max. Then grill it as you would any steak. It's amazing.

Ama Ebi (Fried Sweet Shrimp)

2009-04-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

A certain someone I know has a penchant for biting the heads off of whole shrimp after they've been deep fried. I'm not into it myself but I was definitely up to the challenge. My local J-Town market sells the shrimp whole, heads on, in the shell.

I actually grilled these first in a cast iron skillet with s/p and turmeric because I don't deep fry a lot and I wanted to make sure they were cooked thoroughly. I didn't want these super battered, so I just coated them in a dry flour mixture. As soon as they were all crisped up, I drained and served. And, to my relief, they were a big hit.

Spicy Tuna Temaki

2009-04-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Yum. I love spicy tuna tamaki (handrolls) when they're made at home. I don't like them in sushi restaurants though for some reason. The good news is they're so easy to make. When you're buying your nori, you should see special temaki sized nori. They may be listed as "half sheets."

To prepare, line up your sushi rice, spicy tuna mix (for spicy tuna mix, see Spicy Hamachi Gunkan-Zushi), julienned cucumber, and a bowl of water (you should mix white vinegar in the water to kill bacteria but it isn't necessary).

Hold the temaki in your left hand *rough side up*, and with your wet right hand, clump up some rice in a golf ball size. Stick it in the far left middle, flatten it a bit, put on some cucumber and spicy tuna, then roll it by wrapping the bottom left corner over and rolling it in a spiral fashion. Use a little piece of rice smushed to hold the end of the nori to the handroll. It takes practice. Mine obviously aren't perfect.

* TIP! To keep your temaki from getting soggy, fan it over a flame to crisp it a bit before making your roll.

Hot Poblano Tamales w/ Poblano cream*

2009-04-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

I love tamales. Who doesn't? It's kind of the one hearty food I can eat without missing the meat. There is definitely a technique to them, but they aren't the hardest thing in the world to make at home and still be HEALTHY. It's important to note here that any tamale you eat in a restaurant and/or that are prepared in the home contain LARD. Yeah, I said it. Lard. I don't even know where you can buy that, it's so foreign to me. I use vegetable oil in mine because the mono fats are OK! and there aren't the trans and saturated fats to worry about.

I get my husks from a Latin market and I don't think I've ever seen them at Whole Foods or Trader Joe's so I don't have any recommendations if you don't live near a Latin market (other than the innernet, of course).

How to Make? (Made about 10)

Soak your husks in hot water for 30 minutes to rehydrate them.
1 cup corn tortilla flour, 1/2 cup cornmeal, 3/4 tsp baking powder, 1 tsp salt. Mix the dry ingredients together.
Add 1 - 1.5 cups of water and stir well. It will thicken. Start off slowly with the water because I've used this recipe twice and the water amount varied. Your mixture should be relatively thick and not runny.
Add 1/2 cup of canola/veggie oil and mix REALLY well

MEANWHILE:

You pick YOUR filling. It just needs to be in small bits so you can fill your tamale. It can't be like a hot dog, you would want to dice the hotdog. I'm not suggesting you use hotdog but now that I think about that it kind of sounds good. But I digress ...
I used 2 roasted poblanos, a jalapeno, 2 shaved corn cobs, and a small white onion.
Whatever your filling tastes like is what your tamale tastes like. Other than yummy corn goodness, the bulk of the flavor will be the stuffing so add salt/pepper/cumin/onion powder, etc. Whatever seasoning combo you like. You could use NO seasoning at all and be all purist about it.
Cook it all together in a pan w/ a little oil until it's soft and yummy.

THIS PART IS A BITCH:

Hold the husk in your left hand, pointy side away from you, spoon a glob of the dough in the wide part of the husk. It will EXPAND so smear sparingly.
With your right hand, add a little cheese and your filling in a line up the middle of the dough.
Then take the right side of the husk and fold it over, slightly tucking on the left.
Fold the left side over and then fold the empty pointy part over.
When you STEAM these, the open side is going to be facing up so the stuff doesn't spill out.
Don't waste your time roping them up with twine, it's unnecessary for this small scale.

OK now hopefully you have a proper steamer. I don't (I know) so I did something stupid that I won't go into but, hey, at least my tamales got steamed. They need to sit upright in a fashion that will keep them upright.

STEAM FOR ONE HOUR. The dough should be fluffy and pull away from the husk nicely.

That's really it. You can top with whatever the heck you want but they're so good by themselves. I made a poblano cream in my food processor since I had a jalapeno and poblano left over.

*gluten free

Traditional Japanese Philly Roll

2009-04-23T10:23:00.001-07:00

This is a traditional roll in Japan. I kid. I kid. These are the makings of a smoked salmon Philly roll. Sushi rice, nori, smoked salmon, cream cheese, and green onions (because I didn't have chives on hand). Leave an inch of nori plain so when you roll the sushi, starting with the part closest to you, it can connect with the plain nori and create a seal to finish your roll. I can't really explain further than that today.

Spicy Hamachi Gunkan-Zushi

2009-04-23T10:12:00.001-07:00

You people know how much I love my hamachi. All 5 of you. Well I really love it - and most recently - I love it in my spicy tuna mixture. It's really easy but you need to eye the ingredients to suit your own tastes. Just dice up hamachi (yellowtail) and mix with kewpie (japanese mayo), sriracha, chili oil, soy sauce, yuzu, and add salt and pepper.

You can buy Kewpie in any Japanese market. It's a squeeze bottle with a red lid. Yuzu itself is either really expensive or hard to find so I use a yuzu citrus vinegar that is way more citrus than vinegar. Try looking for a "Yuzu Ponzu".

Sriracha should be in every cupboard and chili oil is my favorite to cook with, especially when making Kim Chee Gyoza.

Put in the liquid ingredients a little at a time because you don't want your mixture too runny with soy sauce and yuzu.

Also to wrap, just make a small oval of sushi rice (like you would for nigiri) and wrap a strip of nori (seaweed) around it leaving a negative space on top and then spoon in your topping.

Hamachi Nigiri

2009-03-26T17:16:00.001-07:00

Growing up we ate rice every single day. And if I didn't like what was on the table, at least I got rice. I was perfectly content with heavily buttered, soy-sauced rice. Hey, that's how white people eat it.

When I moved out of my mom's house, I never had room or enough of my own space for a rice cooker. I learned to make rice in a pot on the stove but, other than basmati, all other rice dishes tended to be on the soggy, crusty side. Persian people pay a lot for the crust, and when they do, it's called Tadiq. The soggy? Not so prized.

I love making sushi but it's always been ... eh ... because of the rice. Too dense, too sticky, doesn't hold. So I bit the bullet and bought a rice cooker. It's the best decision I ever made. My nigiri are a significant percentage better and I aim to keep improving.

It's nice to buy a $9 bit of hamachi that makes 10 pieces, rather than a $12 order that yields 4 pieces.

Salmone Fresco

2009-03-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

This post is for no other reason than to capture this image. This is a wild salmon steak purchased from the seafood stand "J&P's West Coast Seafood" at the Hollywood Farmer's market. I cooked it as usual - smoked salt, pepper, and turmeric on the skin side with a little olive oil.

You have to get your pan suuuper hot. Every time I tried to cook salmon skin side down I had some trouble. The skin stuck and I had to scrape it off while not disturbing the meat too much. And it's not very pretty when the skin has been scraped up in its shriveled form.

So now I turn the fire on medium, wait until my pan hits the smoking point, put in the olive oil and once it's hot and coating the pan, put the salmon in skin side down. If you did it right, it won't really stick when the salmon is ready to turn. Season the other side with the same smoked salt, pepper, and turmeric.

Post-Market Monday

2009-03-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I crossed my cooking threshold with the squash blossoms so Farmer's Market Sunday became Post-Market Monday. I bought a small bag of potatoes, a bunch of kale, and this giant piece of trout that was hardly discernible from salmon. Apparently they're in the same family.

The pork chop is organic but not from the Farmer's Market. I brined it for a few hours with apple cider vinegar, pepper flakes, salt, water, and brown sugar. Since I'm cooking for two, I try and find common complimentary ingredients for both the fish and meat so we each get what we want.

On top of the trout is a mixture of Meyer lemon, shallots, oil, salt, and pepper. You can see at the bottom of the trout how crispy the skin is. I finally got it down.

When I first started trying to cook fish with skin, it always turned into a painful mess because the skin stuck horribly to the pan and I had to scrape it while trying to keep the fish in tact. I finally learned to get your pan to a smoking point and then add in the oil. I wasn't getting my pan hot enough. And keep it on medium-high. Once I know the skin has crisped enough, I flip it and put the lid on it with just a little air escaping. I don't know if that's conventional for cooking fish but it helps keep the smoke and oil in and I find it helps keep in the moisture too without overcooking while I am plating.

Infused Oil

2009-03-09T13:08:00.001-07:00

I know. I hate that word too. "Infused". It's so 2006. Everything is infused these days, isn't it? Well ... for lack of a better term ... I have some infused oil to share. After deep frying my squash blossoms and letting the oil cool, I drained it through a mesh sieve to save for near-future use. To my surprise, the smell that emanated from the oil was of the squash blossoms and it smelled so good! So I did what my mom does and dropped a twig of rosemary and a clove of garlic in. *Make sure the garlic is cooked first. When raw garlic molds the bacteria can cause botulism!

Make sure anything you put in the oil is actually submerged. Anything above will start to mold and ruin everything. Definitely using this oil on tonight's roasted potatoes.

Awesome Blossom

2009-03-08T17:43:00.000-07:00

Finally I serendipitously found zucchini blossoms for sale at the Farmer's Market. In tradition with Farmer's Market Sunday's, I bought a batch prepared to set out on the arduous task known as stuffed and fried zucchini blossoms! And, while time consuming, it was easier than I thought.

All you have to do is check the inside of the flower, remove the stamen (yellow polleny looking thing), and make sure there aren't any bugs.

I then combined ricotta, salt, pepper, and red chili flakes, stuffed it into a ziploc bag, cut off the end, and piped it into the flower. Just pipe enough to fill the flower. Obviously if it's oozing out then your fry time is going to be a mess.

The batter was a simple light batter. I just mixed flour and beer. I didn't measure anything - I just made it the consistency of a semi-runny pancake batter then dipped the blossoms in that batter only. No pre-dredging.

I put about 3 inches of oil into a wok and heated it up. I think if you own a deep fryer (which I never ever will in my lifetime) you're supposed to check the temp for like 350 degrees but that isn't so easy to do with a wok and a meat thermometer. To really check the temp of your oil, put the end of a chopstick in. Because they're made of bamboo and therefore naturally contain water, if your oil is hot enough then little bubbles will rapidly escape the chopstick and fry in the oil. Otherwise I have no tips for deep frying.

Because of the really light coating of batter, they were crisp and fried but mostly the blossom and filling was left instead of breading. I topped it with course salt and that was it. I can finally add a notch to the belt of obstacle I so desperately wanted to hurdle.

Farmer's Market Sunday Dinner*

2009-02-25T17:29:00.001-08:00

I love the farmer's market and Sunday is the perfect day to go. It leaves you with plenty of time to make an early Sunday supper. This particular Sunday was spent at the Beverly Hills Farmer's Market. Much milder than you'd expect and it came with a pony ride.

So the starter course was the salad made of shaved fennel, red onions, blood oranges, and I used the fennel fronds to make a creamy green salad dressing. The cheese on top is a mild brie. It was all I had otherwise I would have used something a little goopier.

Since there was time, and I had extra fennel, I made a fennel gratin. Just blanche the gratin for 5 minutes, salt and pepper, place in the ramekin, pour in enough cream to just coat the bottom and fill the ramekin by 20%. Bake at 350 for 30 minutes, then add your cheese and bake for another 3 minutes. It's so easy. And delicious. The cheese here was shredded stuff I had in my fridge but I'd obviously recommend a gruyere or something else rich and flavorful.

These are smoked-salt shrimp grilled in the cast iron skillet with various seasonings. My favorite trio for shrimp is salt, pepper, and turmeric. The yellow adds color as well.

My personal favorite of the night was the chicken with roasted vegetables. I bought handfuls of tiny little carrots and potatoes (dollhouse size) at the farmer's market and roasted them all in the oven with olive oil, salt, and pepper.

For the chicken, I got a cast iron skillet really hot with oil, and placed the boneless chicken breast skin side down and applied pressure to the top. I never eat the skin of chicken for obvious reasons but I just had a craving for it done this way. If you really cook it down enough, most of the fat is out of there. By this time the sides of the chicken have cooked too so I added some of the roasted potatoes, a few sprigs of thyme, and some organic pork chorizo. Once everything had time to brown together, I put it in the oven to finish off cooking.

It was my favorite meal in a long time and I can't wait for this Sunday when I can do it all over again!

*gluten free

PAELLA!*

2009-02-10T10:25:00.001-08:00

Oh man, I love paella. I often dream of building a huge firepit in the backyard and doing nothing but cooking paella on it. However, that dream is going to have to sit on the backburner for a bit while the mini cast iron skillets move to the front burner.

To cook paella, there is a pretty critical technique for success, but it's actually quite simple to do at home on your stovetop, and with excellent results. I wouldn't post this if the result was mediocre. It's basically a one-pot stop. So let's get started!

What you need:

Cast iron skillet (the one in the photo is a $10 8-inch skillet from Sur La Table thus the recipe is for this serving size)
1 cup rice - I used basmati because it's what I had but tradition calls for Arborio or Bomba
3 cups stock - tradition calls for clam or fish stock but I used chicken stock and water (only b/c I barely had stock so I had to use the water)
Whatever ingredients YOU want - for this I used shrimp and mushrooms and in another skillet I used andouille sausage and mushrooms.
Salt, pepper, and SAFFRON!

One more thing you need: Sofrito. Sofrito is a really common base used in Spanish, Latin, Haitian, Puerto Rican, etc., cooking. In Spain, it's tomatoes, onions, and garlic. Cook finely chopped onions in a little olive oil with a pinch of salt and sugar until they're caramelized. Then add tomato sauce or run some tomatoes through a grater so it's all just mush. Add that to the caramelized onions and cook for a while until the sauce starts to separate from the oil. That's it.

Ok now that you have your sofrito, here are the next steps:

Heat the skillet with oil. If you're using shrimp, let them get a good grill on before removing them. Cook them only HALF WAY because you'll be finishing them off at the end.
Take out the shrimp, set aside on a plate, then throw in the sofrito and other ingredients like sausage and mushrooms. Cook it all down for about 10 minutes.
Pour the rice in and cook around the pan with the other ingredients for 1 minute.
Pour in the stock! Make sure all the ingredients are now LEVEL under the liquid.
Turn up the heat, bring to a boil, and cook for 6 minutes. DO NOT STIR ANYTHING.
Taste the top of the liquid and make sure there is enough salt and flavor. Whatever that liquid tastes like is what your rice is going to taste like so make sure it tastes good! (I added a pretty solid pinch of salt at this point.)
Turn down the heat, crumble your saffron threads around the top, and simmer for another 11 minutes.
After 6 minutes pass, place the shrimp back in the way you see in the picture because they're going to bake into the final dish that way. Leave it alone.
When the 11 minutes are up, turn off the stove and cover with a towel to allow for settling/final steaming.

The only other thing you may want to add which is traditional but not necessary is a garlic aioli. If you don't feel like going all out with a time-consuming emulsion, just grind some garlic with salt until it's a mush and mix with some mayonnaise.

And that's it! Just put the hot skillet on a towel on a plate and share with someone worth all the effort.

Wine pairing: I'd recommend a pinot noir. I personally don't like Tempranillo because it always gives me a headache WHILE I'm still drinking it but, either way, go with a red for sure.

*gluten free

Turkey Meatloaf!

2008-11-13T14:08:00.000-08:00

OK so I love meatloaf sandwiches. It may be one of my favorites. It may also just be an excuse to eat mass amounts of meatloaf masked in sandwich form. I've seen recipes online and every time I've tried them they've been horrible. I've written my own and I've proven it's delicious. Let's get started.

What you need:

Turkey (one normal sized package from the store - please be conscious and buy organic). Also don't buy 99% fat free because you need some fat content or it will bake like a brick. 8% fat is OK.
One onion, 2 celery stalks, a few garlic cloves. (I added a red pepper for heat because I had one in my fridge but that's obviously optional).
2 cups of Breadcrumbs (make your own with toast or just buy a package)
1 egg

Follow these steps:

Dice the onion, celery, and garlic into fine little pieces and cook in a pan until relatively mushy and mixed well. Add salt and pepper to taste. And when I say "to taste" I mean taste it!
While your onion mix is cooking, mix your turkey in a bowl with an egg, breadcrumbs, and about a tablespoon of salt and half a teaspoon of pepper.
Once your onion mix is cooked, mix it in thoroughly with the turkey mix until everything is combined evenly.
Important: you have a hot pan in front of you already - - make a mini patty of your turkey mix and cook it. If it doesn't taste very flavorful then most likely you need salt or something else. It would suck if your entire loaf didn't taste very good, wouldn't it?
Once it tastes the way you want (like a super good turkey burger), form it in a pan lined with foil and make sure the shape is uniform and loaf-like. It should look like this:

Drizzle a little olive oil over the top and cook the loaf at 375 degrees for 60 minutes.
Once it's cooked, take it out, put some ketchup over the top, and put it back in the oven to warm the ketchup (the oven should be off).
Make a sandwich!

Versatility of tacos

2008-11-11T11:32:00.000-08:00

I love, love, love tacos -- but I don't really care for tacos from mexican restaurants because I'm always disappointed. There don't seem to be any extraordinary yet casual nuevo latino restaurants in the LA area. They're all 'high end' or just don't fit the bill. Actually, I've only ever come across one and if you're in the area then you must go to Tacubaya in Berkeley.

I didn't capture the recipe for the above but it's all very simple. Simmer shredded chicken in the style of the enchilada recipe a few posts back, make your own tortillas, and blend crema mexicana with cilantro. The black bean salsa is mixed with red onions, corn, diced bell peppers, cilantro, pineapple, salt, pepper, and lime for citrus.

One day I'd like to own the type of rotisserie they use in Shawerma joints. Tacubaya has one stacked with pork. On top of the spit are pineapple slices that slowly cook and drip down over the pork. To find even one lone piece in your taco al pastor is like panning gold.

High Steppin'

2008-11-11T10:32:00.000-08:00

Feast your eyes upon the world's most expensive ham ... actually I think there is more expensive pork out there but, at $125.oo/lb, it might as well be. It's Jamón Ibérico de Ballota and it's from the black footed pigs of Spain that roam wild and feed mainly on a diet of acorns (ballotas). They only started importing to the US a few years ago. The amount you see in the picture was $7.50 for a total of 4 meager slivers of a cured pork product with the consistency of warmed butter.

Mushroom Soup

2008-06-12T16:20:00.000-07:00

Last night, amidst watching the Top Chef marathon before the finale, (Woot Stephanie!), I had a major craving for a super earthy soup and happened to have a giant bag of shitake mushrooms in my fridge. See, at Chinese stores, they don't try to make you think shitake are delicacies and therefore need to be like $6.99/lb. They just throw a bunch in a bag and put on a sticker that says $2.00.

Since I really just wanted the deep earthy flavor of mushrooms, I used as few ingredients as possible: 3 shallots, shitakes, a teeny douse of heavy cream, salt and white pepper. I add salt and cream after pureeing it to control the flavor better.

For the cornbread, I used a mix but I shaved 2 corn cobs and put the fresh kernels in the mix with some paprika and coriander.

For the herbed butter ... yes, I know it kind of looks really weird ... but it was my first attempt and all I had was parsley. Not even Italian parsley -- just parsley. When I placed the butter on the hot cornbread I thought it would melt all over so I could take a picture but it didn't quite happen like that. Next time.

2008-06-04T12:30:00.001-07:00

I was feeling pretty low when I found out today is Angelina Jolie's birthday because I thought she was younger than me. The good news is that she is actually 10 months older than me which means I still have some time to do something with my life.

Pagan Holidays. God Bless Fertility.

2008-03-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

Since when has Easter been a big deal? People are taking days off, leaving work early, asking me questions like "So, do you have anything planned for Easter?"

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm ... well .... I don't live at home anymore so unless you're planning on coming over and leaving a basket of candy on my dining room table, in which case, I would shoot you in the chest for breaking and entering, then, NO, I am not planning anything.

Spring is in the Air

2008-03-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first day of spring. Yesterday was NO RUZ, The Persian New Year! AIDE SHOMA MOBARAK, my friend.

I celebrated by eating delicious rice dishes, snacking on pistachios, and driving through the streets in my '79 BMW shooting my AK-47 through the sunroof.

Salaam Alaykum, my friend.

¿Cómo se dice Tomatillos?

2008-02-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

You know when you go to mexican restaurants with "salsa bars" and they always have that green tomatillo sauce? It happens to be my favorite over any other salsa's usually so I faced my fears and conquered the task of making my own.

Tomatillos are sort of like plantains in where they look like a fruit we can eat right off the vine, but in reality, they require some level of cooking and preparation. Below is a delicious, simple, roasted tomatillo salsa.

Let's get started with what you need:

Tomatillos. 6 will make about 2 cups.
An onion, a few cloves of garlic, a jalapeno, and cilantro

What to do:

The tomatillos come in a husk. The skin inside the husk is very sticky. Rinse the tomatillos in water for a bit and then take off the husks.
If you choose to use the jalapeno then just cut it in half and take out the seeds and the white part.
Rough chop all of the other ingredients and throw everything into a foil-lined pan.
You can roast as-is or you can spray just a little with cooking spray.
Roast in the oven at 350 degrees for about 45 mins to an hour. Roasting anything always takes about that time.

Finish up:

Take everything out of the oven, put in a blender or food processor, and puree it. I actually don't even add salt or pepper to this because the tomatillos have such a sweet flavor that the mixture is just fine the way it is. And that's it. Zero carbs and zero fat.
I like to top mine with a little crema mexicana because the contrast is delicious.

Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T13:09:00.000-08:00

I like Valentine's Day but I never go to dinner at a restaurant because it's just not as valuable as creating your own menu at home and taking the time to follow through on every step. I just wanted to capture the items in my 4-course meal here but have not outlined any recipes.

1st course: hamachi-in-a-blanket

I marinated fresh slices of hamachi in soy sauce, rice vinegar, yuzu, lemon, and pulverized cilantro. Then I wrapped the pieces in a thin crepe, tied with a chive to keep it together and topped it with wasabi tobiko. It was my dining companion's favorite of the night.

2nd course: cauliflower & basil soup,

seared scallop, truffle oil

If you don't own a chinois already then buy one. It really makes all the difference when presenting a soup and gives it that really flavorful fine restaurant quality and consistency. For this I just cooked cauliflower, a teeny bit of butter, and onions in a pot. Once they softened, I added chicken stock, salt, and pepper. I then took a hand blender, pureed everything and added chopped up basil. This ingredient really made all the difference in flavor. Once through the strainer, I added a seasoned seared scallop and dotted truffle oil on the surface.

3rd course: homemade ravioli in a saffron cream

sauce with lobster and morels

So yeah, this wasn't cheap or easy by any means but it was fun and I learned a lot! Making your own fresh homemade pasta is empowering. I highly recommend it. My ravioli kind of fell flat because it was an arduous task for a first-timer, but the stuffing worked great: goat cheese, seared endive, and bland oyster mushrooms.

The lobster is from a lobster tail and the morels were dried and rehydrated. For the sauce, I cooked stock and a little cream with shallots, used my mortar and pestle to crush up saffron, added it to the sauce and it immediately turned a brilliant yellow. I strained the sauce through mesh, then added the lobster, morels, and ravioli and cooked together for about 5 minutes.

The fourth course was a spiced carrot cake but I didn't get photos. Maybe next year.

Chicken Enchiladas - Hold the Greez

2008-01-04T12:35:00.000-08:00

I love enchiladas. But I'd never order them at a standard Mexican restaurant because they're covered in grease and fat. One restaurant I went to apparently cooks all of their food in lard. Awesome. Not really. Let's make YUM enchiladas the healthy way that doesn't make your body feel like two pigs fighting under a blanket. (5 points if you know the movie).

What you need:

Chicken breasts
Corn tortillas (I'm going to show you how to make your own)
1 large can of diced tomatoes and a large white onion
2 ears of corn
Achiote paste and salsa ranchera (nice to haves)
Fromage du jour (that means cheese)
Salt and pepper of course.

Short list right? So essentially you want to stuff corn tortillas with shredded chicken and a sauce. Really basic.

Let's get started:

Boil your chicken breasts until they're cooked. Once cooked, shred them by holding a piece down with a fork and pulling away with the other fork.
Start your sauce! -- chop an onion and throw it into a hot pot with a little butter, olive oil, or cooking spray. Just enough to keep the onions from burning.
Once the onion is cooked up pretty well, throw in your corn kernels cut from the cobs

Add the large can of diced tomatoes. Mix everything together and let it cook until it looks blended and evenly cooked pretty well.
Then add a good chunk of your achiote paste. It disolves better in cold water than hot water so maybe disolve it first in a little chicken stock before adding it.

Add the salsa ranchera or either a chipotle or a little adobe sauce from the can. It's really spicy so taste it first before you put it into your food. The salsa ranchera is pretty mild but will add great flavor.

Once the paste has had time to cook in with everything - taste what you have. You'll need to add about a tablespoon of salt.
When you're satisfied with the flavor, add a good amount of chicken stock to make it soupy so that when you blend it, it isn't too thick and it isn't too watery. You want it to be the consistency of a marinara.
When the sauce is done - unless you want it chunky, use a hand blender to puree it to a smooth consistency
Add the shredded chicken, mix well, cover, and let it all hang out on a low heat for 20-30 minutes. This will remoisturize your chicken and fill it with flavor.

Ok - now! While you have 20-30 minutes to spare, make fresh tortillas! It's SO easy IF you have a tortilla press ($14) and a bag of instant masa ($2). Just do the following:

Add 1 cup of masa flour, 2/3 cups of water, and 1/4 tsp. of salt into a bowl. Mix it.
Now you have this nice soft ball of dough.
Take your tortilla press, put the golf-sized ball between two pieces of plastic (I cut up a grocery bag) and press.

Get out your pancake griddle or any flat teflon surface you have, and cook each tortilla for about 30 seconds on each side. Done. You should still have time leftover to do dishes.

Now that your chicken is finished and your tortillas are made, you are almost finished. Just put some meat in a tortilla, roll it and place it roll-part down in baking glassware (or whatever). Push them all close together, however many you can fit, cover with cheese, and bake at 350 for about 15 minutes.

I plate mine with cilantro and either sour cream or crema mexicana which kind of tastes like heavy whipping cream but it looks so authentic, doesn't it? So it is a bit on the labor intensive side but it could be a LOT more difficult and far less healthy. Enjoy!

Quick Bites: Polenta

2007-08-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

I love Polenta. I love it even more when I can make something with it that substitutes for other things - like pizza. Instead of cooking a frozen box of Tostino's pizza bites (which I literally used to live off of), try these Polenta bites instead. Let's get started:

This is so simple I don't really need to lay it out. (Hence, quick bite). Most stores sell pre-cooked polenta that come in these cylindrical plastic tubes. The one I use has porcini mushrooms which gives my quick bites added flavor.

Remove the polenta from the plastic and slice in 1/4 inch rounds. You can go thicker but I wouldn't recommend thinner because then you won't be able to pick up your bite.
Select a base for your sauce. I buy a roasted eggplant pepper spread or use a salsa heavy in mexican oregano.
Choose your toppings. I have a penchant for pork sausage so really you won't get anything else from me.
Top it with fresh herbs and cheese. Above, I used a soft cow milk cheese and cilantro. I also recommend crumbled feta or fresh mozzarella paired with basil.
375 degrees for about 25 to 30 minutes depending on your oven.

And that's it. The polenta gets soft and dense and the cheese has melted and browned. It's so easy and is not encased in deep fried bread. (Like Tostino's).

Kim Chai Soup

2007-08-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

How to survive San Francisco summers:

I call it Kim Chai because it's like a Thai coconut soup with Kim Chee in it. It's delicious and hearty, and most importantly, very simple to make. Let's get started:

WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

Vegetables. I like to use carrots, snap or snow peas, mushrooms, onions and corn.
Lemongrass and fresh ginger root. Supermarkets sell lemongrass by the stalk.
Coconut milk (It's high in fat so the Lite milk works just as well and you won't feel as guilty)
Stock. Chicken or vegetable; choose your poison.
KIM CHEE of course. In my local Safeway, it's sold right next to the gyoza wrappers. I always try to buy the hottest jar but you should use what is right for you. My mom actually washes hers off in the sink (hello, what's the point?).
Chicken breasts. Although you could use shrimp too -- I don't see why not.

GET STARTED:

Chop up your chicken, add salt and pepper, and saute it in a pan. Once it starts to brown I put a little chicken stock in it and cover the pan to continue cooking it without drying it out and turn it off while it's cooked enough.
Meanwhile, chop up your vegetables in bite size pieces. Last thing you want to do is wrestle with large pieces while eating soup because it just splashes on your shirt every time.
Rough chop the Kim Chee. Most of the pieces will already be small.
Chop your lemongrass in a few pieces. The fresh cuts allow more flavor to come out but it's not chewable so you want to be able to fish it out before serving. Same as the ginger. (see pic)
Get your soup pot hot and start sauteing your onions. Once they're going well enough, just throw everything else in. It will look like this messy crap below but just wait ...

Once everything seems like it's pretty cooked up together (3-4 minutes), pour in your chicken stock and let the soup start to simmer. After a few more minutes pour in the coconut milk. Your soup should now be a creamy, semi-opaque broth.

Throw in the chicken and let it finish off with the soup. Taste your soup and season it to taste. It should be spicy and salty with the flavors of ginger and lemongrass running rampant.

BOOYAH - You're done. I told you it was simple.

Kim Chee Gyoza

2007-07-12T17:03:00.000-07:00

Oh Me So Yummy ...

Kim Chee Gyoza are one of my favorite things to eat. While they can be labor intensive, they're really good and your friends will beg you to make them. Plus, it's really important to master the art of the dumpling because there is SO much you can do with a mix of ingredients and a dough wrapper. Let's get started.

WHAT YOU WILL NEED:

Gyoza wrappers - grocery stores and Asian markets have them. At my local Safeway they are with the tofu.
A whole big jar of Kim Chee. The spicier the better.
A few cloves of garlic, a big piece of ginger, salt, pepper, and green onions.
Mince everything up as small as possible or use a food blender if you have a good one. One thing that makes life easier is to use garlic and ginger paste from the Japanese market if you can find it. That way you get more flavor for less work.
Before you mix in the egg: taste your mix! You'll want to know if it needs salt, pepper, garlic, etc. before it's too late.
Mix an egg yolk with corn starch to use as a binding agent for your mix. What you don't want is too much liquid. The egg and kim chee make that difficult to prevent so once everything is mixed, squeeze out liquid or push through a mesh strainer if you can.

Your mix should look like this:

HOW TO WRAP YOUR GYOZA:

Take a small cereal spoon and dig out some mix. Place it in the center of your wrapper.
If you overfill it you will know because it will squeeze out all over the sides. Don't worry, have fun, and know that there is a learning curve to getting your gyoza wrapped well.
Have a little dish of water ready because you're going to need to wet the edges slightly so the dough seals together. (See first pic)
Fold your gyoza in half and slightly pinch the edges over, folding from the right to the left. Like a fan. It's a simple technique but it takes getting used to.
Pinch the edges tight so they really stick together.
And that's it. Place them separately on plates or pans that will fit in your freezer. If you throw them into a hot pan as-is they will stick to each other and get ripped in the pan. Let them freeze / harden.
Your little gyoza army will give you a proud sense of accomplishment!

HOW TO COOK:
Heat up a frying pan on medium heat and put in a little oil once it's hot. Maybe 1 tablespoon. Throw in the gyoza so each one has a little space to move around and cook until browned. Then put in a 1/4 cup of water -- it will sizzle and a bunch of steam will rise up. Put the lid on it ASAP and don't let the steam out. Turn your fire down to low and let the gyoza steam until the water is gone, or about 15 minutes.

WHAT TO SERVE IT WITH:

I make the same sauce for all gyoza, homemade or store-bought. Some ingredients suggestions: soy sauce, seasoned rice vinegar, black-bean sauce, chili oil, chopped green onions, chili-garlic sauce, a tiny bit of sesame oil (sesame oil is a strong flavor so you will overpower your sauce if you use too much). Once you've made your sauce, plate it with your gyoza and -- BOOYAH. You're done.

Tandoori Chicken

2007-07-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

You don't have to be in Al Qaeda to enjoy this dish.

Tandoori chicken is actually pretty easy to make, although for really good chicken you have to commit to a 24-hour marinade time. So for this recipe you want the following:

About 4 of those big pieces of chicken where the leg is attached to the thigh.
Tandoori paste and tandoori spices. Go to your local Indian store and ask. Trust me - with the way technology is today, I guarantee you have a local Indian store.
Yogurt. Don't do non-fat but LOW-fat is OK
A large white onion, a large green bell pepper, and some sliced carrots.

GET STARTED:

In a big casserole type dish, mix one heaping spoon of the tandoori paste with two heaping spoons of the tandoori spice. You have to taste the spices you're using before you dump it all over everything so make sure you understand the level of heat and salt your mix has.
Mix in two heaping blobs of yogurt - like 2 cups although I don't measure anything. And then like 2 coffee cups of water. Basically you're making a red slightly watery marinade.
If your tandoori mix isn't red enough in color, add red food coloring. It won't change the flavor if you do or don't, but obviously you want the authentic red tandoori color.
Score the chicken. That means slice it to the bone in a few key places.
Marinate the meat for 24-hours. Seriously, if you don't, it won't be as succulent and your chicken will suck.

THE EASIEST PART:

Turn on your BROILER. Transfer the meat to a baking pan and put it in. (Note the casserole dish with the marinade in the background for a visual). Poor a little bit of olive oil over each piece of chicken to keep it moist.

BROIL for 25-30 minutes on one side. You are cooking and crisping the meat so you want to see both start to happen before you flip it over.
Flip it. :) Another 25 minutes or so. It should be totally cooked but still moist.
While the chicken is broiling now, start sauteeing your vegetables in a little butter, salt and pepper. By the time the chicken is cooked the sizzling vegetables will be ready to dump over the tandoori.
BOOYAH - you're done.

2007-07-11T10:34:00.001-07:00

Every post before this belongs to my OLD blog. Everything AFTER this belongs to my new FOOD blog and sometimes maybe daily anecdotes. I deleted most of the archive but kept some of the classics for your reading pleasure. Enjoy.

2006-06-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

I told my friend that I needed to go clothes shopping for my new job and he said "Girrrl - do I hear a trip to GILROY??"

2006-04-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Question: these two dudes on the bus, both east indian, were speaking to each other in English and I could barely understand either of them. So, if english is such a second language that your utterances are unintelligible, uhhh .... why don't you just speak indian?

2006-04-09T15:01:00.000-07:00

I'm going to my very first Passover Seder type thing this weekend. I've mentioned before how I have very little knowledge about the jewish religion. Growing up the only judaism I learned about was Judy Tenuta. ba-dump-bump. Are you with me folks?

2006-02-17T14:50:00.000-08:00

Have you seen these new Pringles low calorie snack packs? They're cute and each little snack pack has only 100 calories. So I ate six of them.

2006-02-03T12:28:00.000-08:00

Ok I was just looking at the IKEA website and there is a link for IKEA's in the Middle East. Can we seriously think about that?

Please choose a store from the Store Locater drop down:
-- Desert
-- Village
-- In A Hole
-- Around The Hole
-- Behind The Hole
-- Outer Cave Region
-- Market Bazaar (subject to frequent bombings)

Please select a category:
-- Cots
-- Rugs
-- Rice
-- Fans
-- Satellite dishes

And now introducing our new PETS section:
-- Products for Camels
* Brushes
* Sparkly hats
* Stylish hump bag things

-- Products for Mules
* Barrettes
* Stackable carrying cases
* Sunglasses

*see site map for miscellaneous rodent products

2006-01-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

You know it's a wonderful world when the biggest news of the day is that Baby Jessica just got married. Because the good lord knows that we've all been waiting for this news. In another 15 years I hope to find out that Elizabeth Smart has 10 children with her dad and Elian Gonzalez is found working in a delicatessen in South Beach.

2006-01-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

I hate sitting at my desk - the chair I have makes the back of my sweater ride up like a fat girl.

2006-01-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

Today I was walking to work and I saw this crackhead shoo away a pigeon.

The pigeon looked at the crackhead and said "Nigga PLEASE - I know you didn't just shoo ME away!! LOL!" And then the pigeon shit a little and walked away.

2005-11-22T14:01:00.000-08:00

WHY DO OPRAH'S LIST STILL HAVE UGG BOOTS ON IT???

2005-10-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

Happy WASP Day!! God bless us, every one.

2005-09-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

I like eating grapes with my teeth and my mouth open so all the juice squirts on my computer.

2005-09-22T10:29:00.000-07:00

I GAVE MY CAT ASTHMA!!!

2005-09-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

So I never told this story and I should have because it remains a running joke in our house.

In June, our upstairs neighbor - the super gay, super A.C., hispanic flight attendant upstairs had a new roommate move in after he and his boyfriend broke up. Well we spent ALL this time manicurring our patio for all the summer BBQ's we have and the little lady dropped over 300 bones of her own hard earned skrillz on a brand new patio table (that is now half-off at Safeway.) It's faux cast iron, seats six WITH cushions and was a really nice addition, complimented by a shiny new red Grill.

Anyway - so we spend all this money and do all this hard work and we come home one day to all these JANKY ass SHITTY ass fucked up potted plants on our patio. Fucking geraniums and a big ass tomato plant in a big rectangular TUPPERWARE. If you know me you know how much I HATE geraniums. So we said Uh-uh and wrote him a letter. Then he wrote us a letter. Then we wrote him a letter. Then he knocked on our door and, if you've ever met my little lady, you know baby don't take no shit. In fact she gives YOU shit even if you didn't ask for it. I personally thought he was being nice and respectful and reasonable - or rather - one to be reasoned with. The Little Lady didn't back down. She told him we don't want his tacky ugly shit in our patio - and we don't care if it's shared we don't plan on sharing it. We put all this hard work and money into it and they can't just think they can now come take advantage of it.

So he says that she was being offensive by calling the potted plants Tacky and Janky and that "My new roommate pretty much improved my house by 90%."

NINETY PERCENT! Who the fuck house gets improved NINETY PERCENT? And he had the nerve to say that to us while standing under a STAINED GLASS UNICORN!

You better believe them plants were back up on they stairs the next day though and we haven't heard from them since. BOOYAH.

2005-09-07T09:54:00.000-07:00

I just had to take a government required survey at my job for the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity). I remember in grade school always being confused at what to mark on these things since it seemed every official test we took required our ethnicity. There was never a space for Middle Eastern. I thought "should I choose Asian or should I choose Caucasian?" The Middle East is technically on the continent of Asia .... but I'm not really what they mean by 'Asian'. And I'm not just white. I can't be. They wouldn't call me sand-nigger or camel-jockey if I was. They wouldn't say my dad was a terrorist and I wouldn't wish he really was so he could blow up their house.

It's just weird to me that 20 years later I'm still a little incredulous as to why the only choices on a goverment required survey is Black, White or Mexican. You realize if Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden lived in America and took this survey they would mark themselves as white? The Ayatollah Khomeini would have to mark himself as white? Sorry to use them as examples but they're the only positive role models I've had growing up as a Middle-Eastern American.

2005-08-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

Last night, the waitress at Thailand Restaurant was wearing a t-shirt that said "Loud, Proud ... and well endowed." I know this is the Castro but come on.

2005-08-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Shannon at See's Candies,

I hope your day gets better. I could tell by your gruff attitude, bitten-down fingernails and soiled smock-dress-one-piece-thing that life has handed you some lemons. You know what they say, when life hands you lemons - MAKE LEMON BARS!
Anyway, I'm also sorry I couldn't tell if you were talking to me or the other lady on account of your eye going the other way. Please accept my apologies. Well, have a great day.

Your friend, Jerkey

2005-08-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

My good dear beloved friend Jack Shamama is officially more terrible today then he was yesterday for introducing me to this website: http://www.downsyndromedolls.com/Francesca.html

God bless them, each and every one.

2005-07-20T12:14:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Houston's Restaurant for a "team lunch." Exciting.

Meanwhile, the sign above the Ladies' restroom was spelled WOMYNS. What the fuck is that about? I had no idea Houston's is owned by lesbians.

I ordered a cheeseburger that comes with Canadian Bacon on top. Hey - whaddya get when you put a pig on top of a cow? Ba Dump Bump. What a turrifick awdienth. You guyth ar great.

2005-07-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

David Gray is playing at the Fillmore soon. I'd love to go see him but I just know the audience will be filled with a bunch of lame honkey retards. The only time people from the Fillmore actually go to The Fillmore. I really don't feel the need to get bumped up against by a bunch of honkey bitches in their padded Very Sexy's and Marc Jacobs parfum. Thank you very much.

I think I'll just save my money for Destiny's Child instead. Destiny Fulfilled YA'LL!

2005-06-27T12:55:00.000-07:00

I love when birds eat chicken.

2005-06-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

If you're laying in bed and you're hungover and the light coming through the window is very disturbing, just pull your kitty kats fupa over your eyes and everything will be all right.

2005-05-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

The little lady thinks it's "Dark Raider" because he's black. The irony? She doesn't even know the original Darth Vader was James Earl Jones.

2005-04-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

I just heard the most disturbing rumor and I don't believe it's true but I can't get a straight answer. Is it really true that when ladies are giving birth they poop on the table???

2005-04-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

About a year ago when the little lady moved in, she bought an adorable kitchen clock with a rooster on it from Walgreens for $2.99 and ended up never taking it out of the box. (An aside, the little lady and her equally silly younger sister have a penchant for all things "rooster" because another word for it is ... well you know, and they think it's hilarious. Still.) A week ago, during Spring cleaning, the little lady ended up placing the unopened rooster clock outside on the garbage can for any interested passerby (read: crackhead.)

Tonight we went to Tandoori Grill, an upscale neighborhood Indian restaurant and what was hanging on the wall? The rooster clock we threw out.

2005-04-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

Oh my Gah ... the little lady just made the most brilliant observation I've ever heard in my life.

Why would Helena and Tina have a dinner party and serve sushi when sushi is like the ONE thing pregnant women can't eat??

BOOOYAH. I can't wait until Helena dies.

2005-04-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

It just occurred to me I've had my KITTY for about 2 years now. I can't remember her exact adoption date but I know it was around this time and I'd better get on top of planning a party! If you would like to come please RSVP at CRISTAL-4-CRYSTAL!

2005-04-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

This just in! This guy responded to one of my many thought provoking posts and at first I asked myself, "who the hell is this dude?"

But then I read his blog and he's this guy that takes his cat Gracie sailing in Canada.

I'm just so confused right now.

2005-03-31T14:15:00.000-08:00

Anyone noticed how Mary Cheney looks a lot like Macauley Culkin?

2005-03-22T12:45:00.000-08:00

I know the Millenium gave way to the culinary collabo coolness of sun-dried tomatoes and artichoke hearts but really now, it's time to give it a rest. Let me fill you in on a little secret. There are some flavors out there that, when used, make everything else taste like it.

For example:
* Oregano: makes everything taste like pizza.
* Tarragon: makes everything taste like licorice.
* Sun-dried tomatoes: makes EVERYTHING TASTE LIKE SUN-DRIED TOMATOES.

Thank you.

PS: I always forget. Is everything one or two words?

2005-02-17T09:46:00.000-08:00

WARNING: Never go to Macy's Cellar when you are PMS'ing or you will be forced to walk out with a fountain lemonade and a large box of 50% off Godiva Valentines chocolate, finishing off the chocolate in the car followed by an Ali Baba's Cafe Turkey Shawerma and a Bud Light.

You've been warned.

2005-02-03T11:55:00.000-08:00

OMG!! I just totally came up with an acronym for Rhonda's business!!

ReHabilitate Our NeeDy Animals

I'm going to make her a new sign!!

2005-02-03T11:37:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody - I want to tell you about a very important lady in San Francisco. She is a crackhead and her name is Rhonda. She lives in a camper in SOMA with 15 cats. It has "The Cat Palace" scrawled on the side but the ink is sort of running down like someone urinated on it. Look for it. She just started her own business. It's called "uhh ... Rhonda's. ... Rhonda's cat services." She "rescue people cats that don't have no homes and den takes dem to da hospital to gets dem checked." She "got some cats cuz this dude had went to jail" and she "waitin fo him to come out. Den he gits his cats."

GIVE HER MONEY OR DONATIONS PLEASE!!! She may be a crazy crackhead lady but she doos a GOOD THING. Cause "IF'A I DONT HAV DEM CATS DEN I DONT HAV NOTHIN. I WOULD TAKE MY LIFE DEMS IS MY LIFE AND IT WOULD END."

Your donations will be tax-deductible because it is a business.

2005-01-20T14:24:00.000-08:00

San Francisco - the city where homeless have garage sales and lesbians pass out condoms. You gotta love it. Today I saw a bum with an Armstrong band, my dentist gave me a hug and I heard Lisa Stansfield on a car radio passing by. I don't know what I'm going to see next but I have a feeling it just might make me smile.

2005-01-12T09:20:00.000-08:00

You can always tell a newbie to the iPod world because they're wearing those stupid black foam things that came free with the headphones. No one wears those, tool. Save yourself the humiliation.

2005-01-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

At lunch today, I was sitting by myself doing my crossword puzzle and looked over at some super nerdy girl eating lunch by herself looking through her goofy purse for a pen to do a crossword puzzle. At first I thought "ha ha nerdy loser." Then I thought ... wait minute, that's me.

Dang.

2005-01-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

I had a very comedy of errors parking experience today. I decided to drive because we are having really bad weather, heavy rainfall, strong winds, etc. One lane of a major bayside thoroughfare was overflooded turning some commuters' 10 minute drive into a 1 1/2 hour parking lot extravaganza.

Naive moi thought I could park at the lot adjacent to my work. But of course it was full. So I crossed the Embarcadero (the aforementioned bayside thoroughfare) to another lot much further from my work. Realizing I only had $4 in my pocket and the lot was machine-monitored, I drove up to see if it took credit cards. I didn't see a slot so I turned around and drove back down the Embarcadero to an ATM.

Back in my car, I drive to the lot, park and remember my stall #: 541 ... 541 ... walking ... 541 .. gee it's raining hard ... 541 .. my shoes are getting wet ... I can feel my socks getting wet ... 541 ... hey fog city diner, I should eat there one day ... puddle ... rain ... parking machine. Shit. What was my number?

So I walked all the way back in the rain and wind, the kind that shakes traffic lights, got the number: #541, returned to the parking machine to insert my fresh $20 bill and saw that the machine only accepts $1's, $5's & $10's.

I almost got in my car and drove home when I noticed that there was, in fact, a credit card slot.

2005-01-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

FACT: All gay men have fat fag hags.

2005-01-04T11:48:00.000-08:00

I think Lemony Snicket works in the newspaper booth at the Montgomery Station subway. Every day I walk past him I wonder if he is even alive. He looks dead. Or like he is just about to die. Either way he is really gross and scary.

2004-12-22T19:22:00.000-08:00

A homeless man tried to hand me a piece of paper and said "Free Jokes!" I walked halfway down the street, turned back around and took one of his papers. I told him I'd let him know what I thought. The sheer incident of a crazy person handing me printed free jokes made me laugh out loud, so much so, I had to see what they were.

Just as I expected, they're all racist jokes.

2004-12-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a white crackhead reading the Examiner(a free newspaper), on top of a San Francisco garbage can(filthiest ever), at the corner of 6th & Mission(one of the worst crackhead corners), eating a big chicken leg(drumstick) with no napkin or wrapping of any sort. I felt bad for her. Have you ever tried to eat a drumstick with no teeth? I'll give her an "A" for effort though.

2004-12-21T10:16:00.000-08:00

There is a seriously weird and scary trend increasing out there in the world of computer nerds. Ok ... maybe just at my work - but everyone is wearing this really extremely ugly brand of shoes. Merrell's. What the fuck are those about?

Hello, my name is Dr. Merrell. I'm a podiatrist and I would like to invent a special kind of super-shoe. It's half-water-sock, half-camper, half-running-shoe and a little bit of hiking-boot mixed in there. Making a Merrell shoe one really great shoe for people who don't care about what the fuck they look like. You can actually buy them for ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

2004-12-19T14:21:00.000-08:00

Some dumb girl threw her cut up Express credit card in my garbage can. Now the homeless people that go through my garbage are going to think I shop at Express. How embarrassing!

2004-12-18T16:21:00.000-08:00

If you're like me, the only comments you read are those left for you (except for Te' who wears Huggs.) However, my dearest funniest friend Jack said the following, in response to my blog about Candyman and Rooster. I had to share it because it is such an obvious worthwhile read ...

"I haven't seen him with the rooster in a while, and I assume he just ate it. One day, he came on the bus (without paying, of COURSE) and he stuffed the rooster under his army jacket. He then did summersaults down the isle -- a feat considering he had a rooster stuffed under his jacket and it was rush hour.

No one DARED tell him to stop doing summersaults, or get off the bus, or even look at him in the eye for that matter."

2004-12-16T10:49:00.000-08:00

ew. gross. only fat people sweat sitting down.

2004-12-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I spent four hours in a stupid "Diversity Awareness" training for work. I don't remember what the lady said because I was too busy staring at this old guy's enlarged prostate. And everyone at my table was so ugly!

I walk in and the bubbly trainer says "Sit by someone you don't know!" Obviously I don't know them because they're ugly.

The topper was when she told me how she tried to get her hair like mine for several years. Like what? Like a black scarecrow? She said "like Meg Ryan in City of Angels." Weird. The worst part is, even though in some way it was indirectly flattering, I don't really think she meant it. I wonder why people do that.

Like one time this girl outside of a bar told me I looked like Halle Barry. You don't know what I look like but it's a lot closer to James Miranda Barry.

Anyway.

2004-12-14T10:08:00.000-08:00

I just had the best idea. You know how every holiday season there are all kinds of acts of kindness like "Feeding the homeless" or "Donating toys at Starbucks" or "Serve Egg Nog at senior citizen homes?"

I'm going to have a "Sannyhat for Crackheads" drive. In these hard economic times, no crackhead should be without a sannyhat. I'll set up my booth right in front of the "Donuts & Burgers" shop on 6th. Mmmm Yummy. That's where Candyman hangs. You know Candyman. You don't know Candyman? Oh... well. Let me introduce you to Candyman. He is a 7'tall scary black man who looks like Candyman, acts like Candyman and will probably kill you in 2 seconds flat like Candyman. He attacks busses and throws newspaper stands into the middle of Market Street. One time he walked up to me really close and asked for a cigarette and I urinated on myself.

It's easy to be fooled by Candyman and think he's harmless. This is because he has a pet rooster. A real rooster. It sits on his shoulder when he walks or he carries it under his arm. He shares spaghetti with his rooster that he gets for $1.59 from Donuts & Burgers. He puts the styrofoam container right down on the urine-soaked cement riddled with pigeon poop and uses a fork while the rooster picks at the strings.

It was that day that I finally said to myself, "I have now officially seen it all." Before, every time I said that I was outdone. But to this day, I still strongly believe that Candyman and Rooster is the icing on this shitty, dirty cake we call San Francisco.

2004-12-13T10:12:00.000-08:00

Ahh ... nothing says childhood nostalgia like throwing dirt clods at crackheads.

I saw just that this weekend when the bay-bay kids from the PJ's were throwing dirt and rocks at the local crackhead. It was probably the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. So hilarious we pulled up alongside to watch and just laughed away. Really, I wish I had a camera.

Now remember, this ain't just any crackhead. This is the neighborhood crackhead. The one that cuddles in the middle of the street with a cardboard box telling me to go around. The one that dirty dances with a chain link fence. The one that took off with my garbage can and yelled back as she was rolling it down the street "I AINT GOT YO FUCKIN GARBAGE CAN BITCH." The one whom I found laying on the street with my garbage can the next day and called the cops on.
The one that asked me "IS THAT A MP3 PLAYERRRRRR?????"
You know the one.

$5 bucks says she'll have a SANNYHAT within the week.

2004-12-10T15:07:00.000-08:00

A snotty marina bitch was annoying me today in the lunch line and I was angry. But then I looked down into her purse and saw a BEBE credit card and giggled silently to myself. Sometimes life works in mysterious ways.

2004-12-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

Why do crackheads always be wearin a Santa Hat? It's like "I GOTS NO MONAY FO FOOOOD, I GOTS NO MONAY FO NO HOUSE, I GOTS NO MONAY FO NO PANNYHOSE AND MINES ALWAYS BE RUPPED .. BUT I GOT A SANNYHAT HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

What is that?

Speaking of crackheads with Santa Hats, the bitch-ass Muni Driver tried to tell me go wait at the stop before she let me on knowing damn well there is no way I would have made it to the stop in the time that she did. Then in all her Santa-Hat-wearing glory she opens the door and goes "TSCH GET ON." I should have snatched that bitch hat off her greazy ass head and threw it out the window.

2004-12-09T16:50:00.000-08:00

Do you ever get something sticky on your finger and while not knowing exactly where that sticky came from, you'll sort of hesitantly lick it off anyway? Or is that just me?

2004-12-09T16:18:00.000-08:00

After a particularly long, grueling and intensive day I decided to treat myself to a late afternoon Caramel Macchiato. My question is: what the fuck is so caramel about it?

2004-12-08T10:04:00.000-08:00

I just got a "5 years of service" plaque from my job. You'd think after 5 years they would have spelled my name right. Thank you, corporate America. For future reference my name is spelled with an "H." It's in the Bible, look it up. If you don't spell your name with an "H" then you are a heathen and your mother was illiterate.

2004-12-08T09:36:00.000-08:00

Don't buy bagels from people who are from countries that don't have cheese. They don't understand the concept of cheese. They have things like custard or glutinous rice, but no cheese.

2004-12-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

Today there was a crazy person talking on a payphone so I went and pretended to use the payphone next to her so I could listen to her conversation. It was crazy, alright.