Thursday, September 08, 2005

So I never told this story and I should have because it remains a running joke in our house.

In June, our upstairs neighbor - the super gay, super A.C., hispanic flight attendant upstairs had a new roommate move in after he and his boyfriend broke up. Well we spent ALL this time manicurring our patio for all the summer BBQ's we have and the little lady dropped over 300 bones of her own hard earned skrillz on a brand new patio table (that is now half-off at Safeway.) It's faux cast iron, seats six WITH cushions and was a really nice addition, complimented by a shiny new red Grill.

Anyway - so we spend all this money and do all this hard work and we come home one day to all these JANKY ass SHITTY ass fucked up potted plants on our patio. Fucking geraniums and a big ass tomato plant in a big rectangular TUPPERWARE. If you know me you know how much I HATE geraniums. So we said Uh-uh and wrote him a letter. Then he wrote us a letter. Then we wrote him a letter. Then he knocked on our door and, if you've ever met my little lady, you know baby don't take no shit. In fact she gives YOU shit even if you didn't ask for it. I personally thought he was being nice and respectful and reasonable - or rather - one to be reasoned with. The Little Lady didn't back down. She told him we don't want his tacky ugly shit in our patio - and we don't care if it's shared we don't plan on sharing it. We put all this hard work and money into it and they can't just think they can now come take advantage of it.

So he says that she was being offensive by calling the potted plants Tacky and Janky and that "My new roommate pretty much improved my house by 90%."

NINETY PERCENT! Who the fuck house gets improved NINETY PERCENT? And he had the nerve to say that to us while standing under a STAINED GLASS UNICORN!

You better believe them plants were back up on they stairs the next day though and we haven't heard from them since. BOOYAH.


teh l4m3 said...

Fucking geraniums.

Jerkey said...

You're telling me. Besides the fact they're ridiculously ugly and hideous, they stain everything. The ground, the brick, clothing, skin. Whatever. And they STINK.

jack said...

Having a convicted child molester live in your house makes it drop by 95% percent, so he's still in the red.